What I don't want...

So some things I've learned from the last few days:

• Therapists, although good at validating your feelings give bad advice. Especially when they think they know you.
• I DO NOT want to marry or even date a man like Dennis so why would I listen to what he says?
• I am ok being alone but I really like having someone there to experience life with and that's ok
• I don't have to play a role, I can do whatever and begin living my life as I want to and whatever happens will happen. Analyzing every conversation, email and text is not going ot change the outcome.
• God's plan is being fullfilled and there's not a lot I can do to change it, this was always the plan.
• I can spend some great time with God while being away. He wants me to lean on him and rely on him again.

Momentum

Today's WOD:

Walking lunge 100 ft.

21 Pull-ups

21 Sit-ups

Walking lunge 100 ft.

18 Pull-ups

18 Sit-ups

Walking lunge 100 ft.

15 Pull-ups

15 Sit-ups

Walking lunge 100 ft.

12 Pull-ups

12 Sit-ups

Walking lunge 100 ft.

9 Pull-ups

9 Sit-ups

Walking Lunge 100 ft.

6 Pull-ups

6 Sit-ups

This was pretty tough, mainly to keep count and I was doing it alone at my gym. Although I felt pretty hardcore when I went to work later and talked about my WOD which my co-workers are starting to understand b/c of how much I talk about Crossfit.

I've been joking about getting certified for a few weeks but today while explaining Paleo and Crossfit to a co-worker I realized how addicted I am to it and how much I love talking about and "teaching" it. It was the first thing that made me smile today and gave me hope of doing something else I'm super passionate about.

Level 1 Certification here I come!

Food today wasn't too bad but wasn't too good either... more water and veggies added today but a beer was also on tap. At least I'm starting to get my appetite back. More to come...

back to High School

Since starting Crossfit 8 weeks ago on a challenge from my neighbor my body has transformed back to it's high school glory days. I finally broke down and went shopping last night only to discover that I am now at the same size I was in high school, although this time I'm not competing with other girls to look the best, I'm competing with myself to feel the best and perform the best. It's quite a different experience than before. 

Today was my first Sunday kinda alone. I worked out hard, physically and mentally. If you go to church regularly you know the feeling of a great sermon and walking out feeling like crap is a good thing.  

I was blasted with feelings of loss and suffering, both about my dad and my friend. The mystery of God is so evident in my life these days, I know he's bigger than my situation and has protected me in the past and will do so in the future. I know He's beside me in every Crossfit workout I do and with every tear I shed and this is where I'll leave it all. 

I'll leave all my worrying, wondering, anxiety, tears, sweat, bruises and blood as I go through this trial and figure out how to rely on God's grace and strength to get me through.